My penance...

[I_Still_Love_Him]

SOP,

I sense that you are stuck on this issue and can't let it go. Perhaps you should focus on PW's positive actions and not the one thing that seems to be bothering you so much.

I'll give you my perspective and know that we do not have to agree as we are all entitled to our perspectives. The position we each take will determine the way we ultimately feel about ourselves and the direction our life is going. If it makes you feel good about yourself to think the way you think, then that's great. You are what matters so do whatever makes you feel good.

When someone leaves a relationship, one of the biggest reasons, and I'm not sure if this was the case with PW, is that they feel that they are not IN CONTROL but rather are simply living the life their spouse wants. How many times do you hear the WAS say the the LBS is controlling and manipulative, even if you wouldn't agree, that is how THEY feel. And to some extent, it may even be true.

If PW's H forced her to stop talking to OM and it wasn't HER decision to do so, he would have simply confirmed to her why she left in the first place and not have considered reconciliation.

Also, being the LBS, knowing that it was the WAS's decision to stop communication with the OP, will not allow WAS to come back to you saying that YOU FORCED them to stop talking to OP.

Regardless whether the emotions involved in an A is not exactly like falling in love with someone, there are some real feelings there that need to be dealt with as there are feeling between the H and W that also need to be dealt with. Of course, I would think that any 2 people who come back together after being separated would also be getting counselling in learning to deal with those feelings.

SOP, I'm not familiar with your sitch and don't know how far along you are in the process but it sounds to me that you have not found your way to what is important here, foregiveness. I couldn't understand it either in the early stages and was angry, hurt and resentful but it did ME no good to feel that way. Foregiveness is something you give yourself whether you are the WAS or the LBS in order to feel whole again. I sense there is still a lot of hurt, anger and resentment within you. While it is normal to feel this and it is part of the healing process, if you stay stuck in this stage, you will only be harming YOU.