I am not saying that is pretty. Or anything else. But you CAN make a decision on THAT... if you really believe in YOUR beliefs, AND you can let him have his...
But... insofar as I can see... you are not willing to do that. THAT is where the problem enters.
Are you talking about leaving?
It is your boundary, not mine. You are the one who says it has been crossed.
Boundaries, remember, are about YOU, not what you put in place for other people. They are NON-NEGOTIABLE. Only you can decide when they've been crossed, and what action you will take (FOR YOURSELF) to enforce that boundary. If that means leaving, for you, then yes, leave.
Quote:
Quote:
When you found that 18 and Fuckable porn flick of his... what did you do with it?
I put it back where I found it.
You said that you had very strong beliefs about porn... but you put the tape back? That indicates to me that your belief isn't as strong as you make it sound. If I felt the way you say you do about porn, that tape, and other similar stuff I found, would be tossed out. Now. Including the computer. There'd be no fight over it. I can't control someone's viewing habits outside MY home, but if truly felt that strongly about porn viewing IN my home, I would take actions that reflected that belief. I wouldn't fight about, I wouldn't negotiate it. If he didn't like all his stuff getting thrown out, then I suppose he shouldn't bring it into the house to begin with...
But... to be fair, you need to tell him your boundary. You don't have to tell him what you will do if he crosses it, he just needs to know it is there.
If he continues to bring it into the house... and he has passed the limit (and only you can decide that), take the kids and leave. No discussion. No fight. Because it isn't about him. It's about you and living/acting consistent with what you say you believe. Period.
But what I see you doing is attacking his behaviors because he is not taking the actions you want him to take, to prove to you what you want him to prove. You set him up to prove his love for you, and he's failing... and that's ticking you off...
that's why I'm saying it isn't about porn at all. You are presenting it that way... but from everything you said here, and from yours actions/reactions, etc., it is about everything BUT porn. YOU are not clear on your own issue, so you get confused when you seem to get confusing answers.
Get clear on your issue(s). TELL him. Don't assume he knows. Then stay congruent with your actions.
