Thanks Just_Me, I am not familar with your stitch but I admire your advice to others here. You have a good way of cutting to the main points. Thanks for stopping by.
Yes, frank_D made a good analysis and all I can say is thank you to him for taking the time.
You did hit in on the head - periods of indifference and periods of pursuit and periods of self-rightous where she should have come to me. I read all the books, tried to follow advice here, and tried my best, doing the things I thought were "correct".
It did no good. Nothing did. I disagree that she showed any signs of reaching out. You had to be there. If she tried to be nice it was manipulative to get her way. All she has done for the past 19 months is to move on without me and put me down.
Yes, she hurt and I tried to show compassion. But every time I let my guard down I got hammered.
I am stating facts. I can go through any stitch here and find "baby steps". In the end most turn out as wishful thinking by the author. We only get one side here - my words may have implied reaching out when reality was something else.
So I choose to turn off that switch. And I feel great. My interactions with others and with myself are so much better since I turned off this drama. The hurt is much less and she is finally leaving my thoughts.
On a different thread, frank_D wrote "I hardened my heart". That is very judgemental and negative. The fact is I have chosen to move on with my life without her in my life.
And that is okay. For some here "standing" is the only course, even if it means standing forever. "Stand" and you are strong - anything else is wrong and you are weak. They are "sick" after all. Someone even once said the OM is a "drug" for their illness and therefore that is okay.
Spare me. Please.
Don't believe that is a theme for some here? Just check the MLC forum. How judgemental, when we should be supporting each other.
I am here to tell everyone that "standing" is not the only course.
I do agree that forgiveness is the way to move on. That will come with time. I have given this same advice to others here many, many times.
But I do not have to be her friend to forgive her. Nor will I try be any longer. "We are in the business of raising children, nothing more." That is her quote, not mine.
