not sure. new here

[nephartiti]

My husband moved out on the 19th. Before that, I discovered there was an OW whom he says he was "just friends" with. The confrontation was a big blow out where I behaved badly, to say the least. Said he was confused, wanted space, didn't know if he loved me, etc. He said this OW listened to him and shared his interests, which he felt I didn't. After he told me that, I really tried to show interest, make him feel loved, take him out, but he wasn't too interested and said my efforts were too late.

The following 2 months were explosion after explosion, mostly resulting from me being obsessed with OW and his where abouts, intermingled with my desperate attempts to make him happy.

He stayed out without coming home several times, wouldn't answer cell. I just pushed and pushed and told him to leave every time he didn't come home. He has become colder and colder. Over the last 2 months it got to the point where he didn't want me near him. He actually punched me during one of our confrontations. I called the cops, but didn't press charges. He spent 5 days in jail and now keeps bringing up how I put him there. Says he doesn't feel safe around me because I might provoke him again. We had another argument, and he called the cops on me. Nothing happened, as neither of us had touched each other. Now he's gone. He has a new cell number, which I don't have. I don't know where he is. He's called to see his kids once since he left. He calls from pay phones. When he came, I noticed his wedding ring is off. I know he wants to see the kids, he just can't stand me. He says he doesn't want to look at me. The last several times we were intimate were very hurtful. He wouldn't kiss me, and did things we have never done. It was cold, untender, and aggressive. I feel so rejected.

I know I handled things badly. On top of everything, I have been diagnosed with post-partum depression (our youngest is 5 months old.) I almost committed suicide. I know my unstability has pushed him farther away.

People keep telling me he is abusive and to get as far away from him as possible, but I feel he is not acting like the man I know, love and married. Do people change that much so quickly?

Now that he's gone, I feel panicked about money. I want to make sure the kids and I will be ok, but am afraid to push for "child support" because I feel like that pushes in the D direction, but I he has lied to me about so many things, I feel I can't trust him.

I'm angry and hurt and have trouble staying on track and even knowing where the track is at times.

I want my husband back. I want my family whole. Just don't know how to tackle it at this point. Last time I saw him, I told him I felt we were both angry, but that I believed we could work it out with counseling. He said, "why don't you just say you want me back? that you feel lost and empty? That it really has nothing to do with the kids" He seems so done.

Me 29
H 33
D 5 months
S 9 and 2 yrs (my 9 yr old from another relationship)
Married 4 years, together 5