He knows that I want some of his time, we used to get into heated discussions about it long before my A. He would say things like 'why can't you just be happy with the family time, why does it always have to be more for you?'.....I always felt so inCREDibly selfish for expressing what I wanted. And I've always been very frustrated and resentful because I feel like what I want is so far out of my reach while H has always seemed to live exactly the life he's wanted. I've just never wanted to directly tie it to my A because that would seem like justification. Here on the boards to an objective, emotionally unaffected person, hearing me say that probably sounds like an explanation. But to someone who was torn apart by my actions, it will sound like I am blaming HIM.
I am not saying that is pretty. Or anything else. But you CAN make a decision on THAT... if you really believe in YOUR beliefs, AND you can let him have his...
But... insofar as I can see... you are not willing to do that. THAT is where the problem enters.
Are you talking about leaving?
When you found that 18 and Fuckable porn flick of his... what did you do with it?
I put it back where I found it.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
