I have to admit to you all... this thing is doing NOTHING for me. I am on my way. I can drop all of you, most especially Cobra, and be happy.
Or at the very least, find my way. I may not do it right or perfectly... but... I do know where I want to go, and how I want to get there. I may not do THAT perfectly... but I do know when I fck it up.
IT doesn't mean my life is easy, nor my choices... but that does not negate what I know I have to do to get there. Whether I am WILLING to do what I need go get there is a dif story. But my ship to course, nonetheless.
I am weary. The time that I spend here, with you all... I fight it, every day. I do it... because I know the struggle. But I do not have to struggle like this anymore.
I don't HAVE to.
I show up here, eveyday and engage you all... not because I am perfect or have found THE answer, but because I do and will always continue to hope. And I take responsiblity for MY hope.
If you all WANT to be powerless... that is fine. I will not fight you over it.
I'm done. I don't WANT to fight. I don't WANT you to accept MY views.
My hope is, and has always been, to give you another eye, another perspective. If you want to argue over it... I don't want to. If it makes anyone feel any better, NOP never argued with me. If I didn't want to see somethin, okay. Fine. I can't help you. And fine.
No problem.
But I would continually engage him, which meant I was NOT willing to accept me... nor him. I just wanted him, or me, to win.
I, like NOP, am not interested in winning. It will KILL a M, and I an tell you that from personal experience.
If you want to WIN, get out now, and save yourself the frustration. No convo left.
I am not here to win. I have given my best I have to offer. What you all decide to do with it, is all up to YOU ALL. If it doesn't work for any of you, fine. But I have faith, that if you all keep looking, and do NOT give up... you WILL fine your way. If you think that someday you WILL give up, just get up now, and get on with it... for THAT attitude will cloud any option you might find. I know THIS from experience as well.
