I took my ex-OM's calls for a long time. It really has to do with the fact that healing is a process...a journey. He was a part of my life and it's damn near impossible to just cut it out and throw it away. He had been my friend and I struggled with that, even after the affair was over. My husband knew I needed to work through that and so he helped me.
It's not "near impossible" (your words) to avoid answering the phone when OM calls (called). It's near impossible to run a mile under 4 minutes, near impossible to live to be 125 years old, near impossible to stay awake for 1000 hours straight, but it is relatively simple to avoid answering the phone. It's a decision that you were fully capable of making, but you refused. Your husband did not give you a hard time about it because he knew it wouldn't help your M and R, NOT because he liked it. Can you honestly say that it didn't hurt your husband deeply that you continued to speak with OM? If the answer is no, then we have no disagreement. You did what YOU wanted, not what your husband wanted and NOT what was best for your marriage. The reason this is important is that if you don't understand this, you will continue to perpetuate selfish behaviour that hurts others in the future. You can defend it all day long, but the bottom line is that you chose the path that you saw as benefitting you and you ignored the repercussions and consequences that your husband was forced to face because of your selfishness. Even worse than that is that you are defending it. No matter- you can spin it however you like but the fact of the matter is that you deliberately hurt your husband.
