... Likewise, filing D paperwork does not mark maturity or a clear, firm decision.
Mature may be too strong of a word. But it is at least a commonsense decision based on recognition of reality: namely, that like it or not, marital status is one way people identify themselves in this culture and defining that status for one's self is sensible.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
You suggest that filing D paperwork marks a commonsense decision by the WAS?
Hardly. Plenty of WASs are all over the place, acting out, doing it to prove love to an insecure OP, etc... when they file D paperwork.
Plenty of LBSs are also file D paperwork for not very clearheaded reasons -- acting out, punishing WAS, and so on.
Again, I'll just have to disagree. The status of D paperwork isn't a clear mark of anything with the WAS.
But why does it matter anyway?
As far as marital status being so significant, all I can tell you is that for most people, once they are emotionally D, that significance plummets. LBSs simply don't get this until they are emotionally D. Nothing I can do to convince you.
Oldtimer...I agree. I think that sometimes the paperwork just isn't the thing on their mind.
Besides we read in DB and we know in our hearts that a different person, if they come back, comes back and they come back to the different person that we are.
With all the changes there must be a period of getting to know both knew players involved, right?
I would say that not filing just means they are thinking of more important things to them...they don't need the paperwork to prove that maybe?
Who knows...they are all jacked up anyway so assigning motives to ANYTHING they do is counterproductive
The cases I am thinking of are those in which the WAS really has extracted him/herself from the M. The financial matters are separated, the child visition stuff addressed, the households separated, and so on.
Thank you for posting and providing valuable discussion.
What I am quoting fits my situation to a tee. Everything is all done. The WAW has done all of the hard work 16 months ago. All that needs to be done is the D form to be filled out, staple the LS paperwork and marriage certificate to it. An envelope, stamp and a check for $334 and it's all done.
Considering what she has achieved legally, filing for D is a drop in the ocean but from what I'm reading about the analogy of filing taxes, it's just not a priority?????
Anecdotally, she's happy to tell people we are S and leaves it at that.
Unfortunately, I can't determine if the WAW is emotionally D'd. It's not something I have any interest in speculating over.
God Bless, Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
"I would say that not filing just means they are thinking of more important things to them...they don't need the paperwork to prove that maybe?"
That sounds right -- they don't need the emotional closure from a D because they already have it (or feel they have it, even if they get surprised by a bit more than anticipated emotion at the actual D).
My other name is Goal. I am on my work computer and I can't change my name on this one.
Mid-life crisis is about CONTROL. The WAS want control regardless of the pain, consequences, chaos, destruction, etc... they cause. They are losing control of their health, finances, morality, hair growth, erection potential, ability to produce children, attractiveness, etc...
Not following through on a divorce in some cases gives MLC's control. Especially if the LBS is just willing to sit in limbo land.
When I did not want a divorce, my H wanted it. Now that I am acting like I want it, my H won't sign the settlement agreement.
seems like you said you wanted the answer to one question, but you got more fussed up about another one.
maybe an answer from YOU, may give some clarity on the one you half-asked from your H....
Originally Posted By: Jeanette1120
... Him: I am not a WAS, I simply moved out. ... Him: I tried, but you wouldn't let me. I am not a WAS, I am paying the bills......so there. [...] So you see? I've been very wrong indeed. My x is neither a WAS or a MLC'er.....he just moved.
Damn....I shoulda asked that question YEARS ago. Things would have been alot simpler.
I get the impression that there are not 1, not 2, but 3 defintions of "walk away spouse" in play here:
1. "his" definition. I'm guessing it is along the lines of, "someone who walks away without warning, and totally abandons their marriage/spouse/family"
2. your definition. [I'm not quite clear what you view "WAS" as meaning, but I dont think it matches up to either of the other two
3. The DB definition: Someone who gives up on their marriage, and emotionally "walks away" from it, year(s) before they actually leave/divorce their spouse. They dont put any effort into improving the marriage, becuase they dont think it is worth saving, and basically just sit and wait for some kind of justification/prodding to finally leave for real. Or, they sit and wait for a specific event/age to occur before leaving.
[Note: this is not the same thing as someone who puts no effort into the marriage, just because they are a schmuck ]
It sounds like your H was being honest, in that he is not a "walk away spouse", by his definition of the term.
He may not even be a WAS in the DB definition of the term. (or in an MLC) He may "just" be a serial cheater.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
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