I suspect that porn bothers you a lot because sex is the area where you've long felt the most emotionally connected to your H. You guys struggle to find an emotional connection anywhere else but you've always had it in your sex life, and the porn leads you to question whether you've even got that. There's now nowhere in your marriage where it's just you and him, connected.
BB, you've just hit on something that I've been thinking but couldn't seem to put into words. I've been thinking about how my kids get first priority with my H's free time and his Monday and Friday night activities get second. There is no free time left for thirds. My H still acts like he can't be without the kids for two minutes and quite frankly I'm just sick of it and I've been sick of it for a really long time. I was sick of it before I had my A, which is why I left his a@@ at home all the time. But he was so involved with his kids and his alcohol that he didn't have the wherewithal to notice that his W was out sustaining her needs with the attention of other men. He still doesn't get it and I've been so hestitant to tell him straight up like this because I've never wanted to seem like I was trying to justify my A.
Sex has been the only thing we have where it's just us-it's the only connection we really have as a married couple because hell, we don't even kiss or sleep in the same bed anymore. So yeah, it hurts like hell to know I apparently don't even get that to myself.
BINGO.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
