One thing I notice is neither of you seem to have been able to truly forgive....I see less of this in you than I do in him.
I can't speak for my H, I'm sure he still holds some bitterness/resentment/anger toward me for hurting him like I did. I don't feel like I can forgive things that are still going on but I know I wouldn't have ANY problems forgiving if he stopped.
Have you talked to him about this? Has he reached a state to where he feels he can forgive you?
We haven't talked about my A in a long time. I need to think about this because this may have a lot more to it than meets the eye. If his holding onto porn is a punishment of sorts, borne out of anger/resentment that he still has toward me, then I will only be able to solve the problem by addressing the anger/resentment he still has toward me. It will never be solved by directing the porn directly because it has nothing to do with the porn. Interesting idea.
ETA: Well, now that I think of it the porn issue wasn't exactly borne out of anger/resentment over the A because it started well before the A. It might still be about anger/resentment toward me in general though. Or it might be that even though the porn isn't necessarily about anger, his refusal to stop IS. Hmmm.
Last edited by heatherg; 08/31/0709:01 PM.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
