Not so Shocked 4

[nickyf]

Hi everyone

I have had the week off work so have been doing some decorating which i managed to get finished today .

If i am honest i have had an emotional week with regards to my sitch, probably too much thinking time while painting. I found out that my husband has not signed the official document to start the divorce proceedings at the court. He was suppose to do this about 6 weeks ago, so today i txt him:

Me: Is guilt the only reason that you are not signing the divorce papers.

H: I guess so and it is also hard

Me: Why is it hard? other than guilt

H: Loosing our friendship

Me:I am sorry but i don't feel that i would be able to sustain the kind of friendship that we have had for the past 10 years, once we are not married. There can't be 3 in a marriage so i guess it will be me that has to go.

H: Wat has brought all this on today

Me: Just been thinking some things through. A part of me will probably alway love you and wish you happiness.

H: I know you will always be there for me Nic, your a solid role model 4 our daughter and i have nothing but respect for you. D3 will grow into a confident young lady with you by her side. Your the one person that she truly loves and respects x


I think that i have now lost all hope for my marriage. The only reason he is stalling on the divorce is because he does not want to lose my friendship. The problem is i will not be demoted from wife/lover/friend to just friend while he shacks up with someone else and her son. I truly feel that the divorce will be the end of any relationship i have with my husband. This is so sad after 10 years, he can just throw it all away, give up on seeing is little girl grow up and us being the only true stability he has ever really known.

Now is life consists of getting drunk, flirting with all sorts of women, being with a family that is not really his, a mounting of debt. I find this quite sad for a 33 year old man to be living his life this way, like an 18 year old.

There is no way at the moment that he could possibly know how he would feel without me in his life because he has never had to deal with it. I have remained his friend and in many ways his support through all of this. The trouble is i think it will be too late by then because we will already be divorced. He just can't see what a good thing he had with D3 and i and that is the saddest part of all because we are probably the only people that have ever truly loved him unconditionally.

Like i said been quite emotional for me this week but i usually find that i have moments like this and come out even stonger, i suppose its all part of the process.

Hope evryone is ok

Nicky