Moving Forward - slow but sure

[Just_Me]

Jeff,

Frank gave a pretty amazing synopsis of your situation. It took a lot of reading. I read through all that and I see some of my own situation in it. I had periods of indifference or going dark because I thought it was the right thing to do. I had moments of too much pursuing. There were hints that things could work out, but nothing came to fruition. As I look at this summary I feel like those things you complain about now didn't necessarily have to be. She reached out to you on what sounded like multiple occasions and those were opportunities to be her friend. But those things are water under the bridge and you can only move forward.

I would like to say that you still cling to, "she did this to me and our family", and it hardens your heart against her. Did she do this? Yeah, she walked away, but can't you understand why and forgive it? She thought it was right. Anytime she might have regretted the decision it feels like you didn't lower your guard enough to let her voice it. Whether you have given up entirely or not, I still think forgiveness and accepting that this wasn't an act of cruelty are helpful in moving on. Someone will be even luckier to have you if you've learned forgiveness, understanding, and compassion. Despite our best efforts, a time comes when we are hurt by our SO/spouse and it pays to be able to walk in their shoes and discover the ability to forgive what you think is unforgivable.

This is getting long and I still don't know if I said anything. It's your life to do with what you want, but I would have to agree that there is still a chance for your relationship, if you're willing to be her friend and nothing else. It doesn't sound like you want to, but that summary just gave me the feeling that there is something there to strive towards. She isn't the devil because she gave up on the marriage....she just wasn't as strong as you wanted her to be and she had a difference of opinion from you about how to solve issues in the marriage that she felt were unsolvable.