To clarify a bit further... I see this book from self... "if what the author is describing is how I feel about myself and within my M, here are things I CAN DO for me to improve my view, my self-worth, my situation. Where I once thought I was a slave to my partner, my boss, a person, a place, a thing, I now see I have more control over all that than I once thought.
The validation/invalidation section, I think, shows the reader how what they are saying/doing may in fact be coming across as invalidating to their partner... even if the reader didn't intend it that way. Which could explain their partner's seemingly inexplainable reactions (withdrawing, getting upset, etc)
"Ooohhh... so now, as the reader, if I apply this to ME, I may actually start feeling better about myself, about my relationships... and I may very well get different results." Not.. "oh, I'll give this to my spouse so they will see what a schmuck they are being to me..."
To me... that is what you've said you actually experienced in your own life. You changed YOUR sense of self-worth through self-validation... and one might ask... how'd you do that?
And one way a person could do that is by doing the things suggested in this book.
So... I don't need my regard of the book (which I haven't really talked about at all, actually) to transfer to other people.
Many people in SSM's, low desire and high desire alike, talk about how 'powerless' they feel, and like it's a stay in it and be miserable, or rip my M apart...
I believe that isn't the case for MOST people.
I'm discussing ONE POSSIBLE METHOD I thought GGB might find useful for the work HE is doing on HIMSELF. And knowing that others are also doing this same self-work (and Cobra asked me directly how I got where I am)... I put a link to an example of what I did... when I was doing, though, I didn't have this link. It might have helped a great deal.
If Cobra applies this to HIMSELF, and he sees even more changes in his M, great. If he says he's already done all this and that still doesn't help... I understand that, too. Only he can decide what methods he'll use. WHAT I think of those methods doesn't really matter. He asked me a question, and my answer was... here is a method you might try.
You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
If a person decides they are truly powerless, then they are.
