My wife, and a lot of women in general I think, want to feel involved in their husband’s lives, including the job. They want to feel they are a part of the team and therefore can share in any accomplishments, promotions, etc. I have no problem with that. But as a manager most of my career, I have to deal with people, mostly women. There have been plenty of times when I have had to put up with nothing more than hissy fits, cat fights, office politics and the like. Work is not all rosy and fun. Sometimes it can be a major PITA. Guess what happens when those times come around? She doesn’t want to hear about it, or maybe I don’t want to talk about it, or she disagrees with how I handle thing, whatever.
Then if there are other problems at work, especially like job security, talking about that will only stress the wife, she will want to know what you are doing to fix things or find a new job, talk to the boss, and basically tell you how you should run your job, or basically, invalidating how the H is doing things. That’s an open invitation for all kinds of arguments. Leave it all at the office. Find connection through other avenues.
The “traditional” model is that the man comes home from a long day at a frustrating job with a demeaning boss, stuffs his feelings, kicks the dog and fights with the W. I have ALWAYS heard that it is best to leave the office at the office. In fact among men, when getting together for social activities, even golf, it is taboo to start talking about work..
MrsCAC,
What you describe, and what many women want, especially SAHMs, is completely different. Caring for the kids all day leaves a void of adult interaction. So your need is to connect with your H, but the subject is often the kids, a topic the H does (or should) have an interest in also. I think SAHMs are a different situation.
My wife is now working. She does occasionally talk to me about what is going on with her students, or the other teachers and assistants, the office politics, etc. But when I start to ask questions and interact, she does not want to listen. She really wants this to be a one-way street. So she talks to her friends, sisters or other teachers about this, which is fine with me. She is not discussing work issues to bond in an interacting way, but to sooth herself.
I notice this in other situations, sometimes even on this board. Women will discuss something about their sitch, another will comment about hers, and for a while each will be talking independently about themselves, taking turns to say their piece, but none of them really paying any attention to what the other is saying, just taking turns saying it in public. That seems to be enough to make them feel good. That doesn’t do it for me. So I think Dr. Laura’s advice regarding this is good – women need other women friends to fill this particular role.
Why is it boring and frustrating to listen to your wife?
Have you tried talking to CAC about the latest football game or sport event, or about the latest car or airplane model? Why not? Does it bore you? Well, a lot of the subjects women like bore us men. The trick is to find something that is mutually interesting to the both of you.
