I agree that you two are still in a power struggle. You each have learned a lots of lessons this year. I see the following accomplishments:
Learning to listen to each other’s needs Learning to to acknowledge those needs Understanding the power struggle going on and how it is destructive Learning to make accommodations and lessen the power struggle Learning to self validate and not depend on each other Learning to control anger and destructive responses Learning to lessen control Learn to trust the other will not revert back to old destructive patterns Learn to become more vulnerable and express that vulnerability
With all this growth, it seems odd that you two are still stuck. What is missing? One thing I notice is neither of you seem to have been able to truly forgive. You both are holding onto resentment and a need to get even, to show the other who’s right, but to do so in a better, higher level, less overt manner. I see less of this in you than I do in him. I think he is still angry and still really wants to hurt you for what you did to him. Whether that is right or wrong is not the issue if that is how he feels. Have you talked to him about this? Has he reached a state to where he feels he can forgive you? Have you resolved whether you can forgive him?
I know you are focusing on commitment and all, but I don’t see how you can get there if this issue of forgiveness is still in the way.
