WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[Nomopo]

Confuzd - I know your Qs were directed to WAW, but I'd like to offer my opinions. Note that I am not a WAS, and my W has/had (not sure?) and OM/EA (and maybe PA?).

is 1978 the yr you were born, just wondering its my birth year also.

BTW, I know the answer to this Q is yes.

if you had an OM in the picture how would that affect your desire to work things out with your H.

There is no doubt that an OP affects a WASs desire to work on things. When they drop the bomb and announce that they are or are going to walk away, if they have attached to an OP then that is part of their certainty in what they are doing. So, an OP definitely complicates/clouds things, and makes saving your M harder. That doesn't mean you can't do it. There are plenty of success stories where there were OPs. So, for your purposes, know it is harder, but don't let that affect wht you do. Just get about DBing, and try not to worry about the OP more than you have to. Focus your thoughts and energy on YOU.

also at times I really feel like I am making progress with my wife, she has even told me so, for example my last backslide, she got very irate and said "you have no idea how close you were, every time I think Im going to give you another chance you go and do something like this"

Well, this is fantastic. Most WASs would not say something like that. So, you had a backslide. Learn from it, and let it go. Don't beat yourself up. Just get back to work.

after every backslide I get back on track and then it seems all is well. I don't back slide that often though.

Also good.

my second question is this assuming my wife is still contacting the OM, how real is my progress, is it really possible that Im making this progress if she is still having an affair. Or is she just keeping me happy so I won't snoop and bother her.

I think you have to assume it is real progress. I cannot imagine she would say to you that you have no idea how close you were if there wasn't real progress. And, anyway, what would you do if someone told you, no, it's hopeless, you're progress is just your W being nice, letting you down easy? Would you accept that as gospel and quit? I hope not. I understand the question, but really it does you know good to ponder whether your progress is real, so try to avoid it. Finally, the changes you are making should be for you primarily, and hopefully it will save your M too, but keep up your progress regardless. Make sense?

some times I feel like I am being played for a fool

I know the feeling, but try to put those thoughts out of your head.

How can she sincerely be considering us if she is still wrapped up with OM

Is this really hard to understand. Surely some WAS do just literally walk away without ever looking back (whether there is an OP or not), but many (even with OPs) struggle with what they are doing. Walking away on a spouse, a marriage, a family (especially with kids) is not an easy thing to do. So even if they are tempted by another, they probably are confused and thinking things over.

Hang in there!

Nomo

PS - WAW, sorry for yet another hijack, but those Qs called out to me.