why don't I listen to my own stories?

[Dom R]

i think it is important, long term, to get that understanding.

HOWEVER.. I think that agent99's relationship with her husband is kinda fragile right now, and that is serious "R talk".
I would suggest postponing that conversation for a while, maybe until after the date and the volunteering together.

Agent99: yes, of course you feel vulnerable. That's understandable.
I think that anyone who chooses to stand for their marriage, after their spouse has demonstrated wanting to separate/date others/(or in extreme cases, actual adultery), feels vulnerable.
They ARE vulnerable, to the whims of someone who is demonstratably not committed to the marriage.

Feeling vulnerable, seems like a very normal reaction. But that doenst mean you should stop. I think that, basically like what Nikki was saying, you just need to figure out what kind of boundaries you need to have for yourself so that you dont feel used, or lose respect for yourself by what you are doing for the longer term.

Some short term suffering, for long term good, hopefully.

hang in there... dont get lost in overanalysis.. I think you are doing great!

[Trixi]

Still haven't spoken one peep to H since Sunday morning when I kissed him goodbye. He never responded to the email re volunteering. I am going to try to assume it is because he knows he is seeing me tomorrow and we can talk more then.

I guess if I was truly "dating" someone, I would think that we would have more contact.

Need to really get that Flirty/Sexy/Sassy'tude going.

[SallyM]

yep, get that sass going, agent99. I hope you have fun tonight!

[my3sons]

I've been dating someone for 6 months, and it is very rare to go a whole day without contact, at least a 20-minute phone call before bed, unless one of us had a really hectic schedule.

On the other hand, your situation is unique. Both of you are probably hesitant to initiate contact, for different reasons.

And ya, don't worry about it. You'll know a whole lot more in a few hours. Good luck!

[Trixi]

Wow- it's been CRAZY!
Work has had me slammed (Thank GOD!).
The concert was great.

I broke down and called him to see when he would be at my house and he was stuck in traffic.

We took his convertible; weather was fantastic; I looked cute- had my nails all done, toe ring on and my 3 inch heels.
Initially, he seemed a little distant. Wasn't reaching for my hand. I just kept being happy and upbeat.

Then, while we were waiting for the concert to start he reached for my hand. And then during the concert during every, single song, he had has arm around me. He would take it off to clap, but then put it right back. I noticed that no other guy did that non-stop for his girl. One couple in front of us the guy would sometimes put his arm around her, but not always.

Afterwards, on the way to the car, he asked about spending the night. I said sure. Then I asked if he had a change of clothes and he said no, he'd just go home. So, then I said "Well, then I don't know if this is going to work out tonight." "I am not accustomed to someone having sex with me and then leaving....nope...that's not how I roll."
He was like "oh yeah? But it's a school night." And I said "Uh-yeah. Newsflash-you lived in that house and worked in the same location; so 'whatever'."
Long story short, we had a great post concert time (ahem) and he left this morning at 8:30.

I asked after my motocycle gear and he seems to think it's here. (I don't know.) While walking to the concert I said "So, ya gonna rent a bike for us to go out on this weekend? haha" and he was like "Sheesh. Demanding!haha" and I said "naw-I'm just making a pointed suggestion." big smile.

Then on the way home, I said "Are you desiring any of my time this weekend because I need to schedule things."
H "Well, I thought I would come work on the car on Saturday. Are you desiring any of MY time this weekend?"
Me "Sure. But we need to do something unusual."
H "Well, maybe I can look into getting a bike and we can go somewhere."

This morning he left and said he'd look into renting a bike. He called in the afternoon to update me; we are still torn because the weather might be bad.

THEN he says "Oh. I might have tickets for Stevie Wonder tomorrow night."
Me" THE Stevie Wonder? Why only "might have tickets"?"
H laughs "Yeah, THE SW. I bid on the tickets and I don;'t know if I won them yet. I should know in a couple hours."

THEN he went on to say that we could go to one of the islands on the bike for a long day trip and talked about which towns he was thinking about.

But if we don't actually end up going this weekend, we'll try to go some other weekend.

So, all in all- very good. I am quite pleased with how he is researching things, etc.

Probably the most disturbing thing to me is how hard it is for him to fall asleep (and me too, for that matter.) I *know* why I can't fall asleep, but I think his restlessness is different.

[mkultra]

Wow, what a great date. A perfect date really. Can we just live vicariously through you now?

[Trixi]

Wow, what a great date. A perfect date really. Can we just live vicariously through you now?

Am I concerned that my H is getting to have me for sex/companionship AND have his freedom to do as he pleases with no regard to how I feel? Why would he ever change the situation? (This was asked of me and I wasn't sure how I could disagree with that theory.) Maybe I am a sucker and believe that he is better than that....

[NikB]

Glad you had fun Agent99!!

And your questions are very important to answer...

[SallyM]

I agree with nikki, important questions to answer/have answered.

so glad you had a good time at the concert!

[Dom R]

Wow... congratulations, agent!

I think things feel a little up in the air for you, because you two are basically at the "dating" stage again.

that is to say, "pre-commitment" dating.
But hey.. that's exactly where you were targetting to go, as a "first step". you're doing great!

Sounds like you did a great job on the PMI during the concert! way to go!

-----------

A little update on my situation, since you asked a while back...
(ok, a long one...)

last week was our 10th anniversary. She accepted an invitation to dinner, without me mentioning/begging "this is our 10th please come out with me".
We had a nice evening. (at a verrry fancy restaurant. she initially fussed about not wanting to get all dressed up. but when I let her know the reservations were all set, she came anyway )
I gave her some small tin toys in the morning, with a small card. but I didnt bring up anniversary for the dinner at all.
We had an enjoyable dinner together.
The last thing she said to me that night, as she walked through her door, was "happy anniversary". I was stunned.
[although I didnt take that in any way to mean she was at all thinking about reconciling, or reversing our separation]

The next night, she had to be around where I worked, so she offered me a quickie dinner on her way back. to "return the favour" from a previous time.

I had the kids on the weekend.. wasnt sure how things would go, but when she came to pick them up and have dinner, I ended up giving her a backrub, etc. before she left.
last wednesday, was the last time she picks up kids from our house on wed. (start of school messes that up). but she had a "quick" lunch together with us.
yesterday, we took our children to meet the teachers, in preparation for first day of school. that was a positive thing.

And lastly.. she accepted my suggestion to do something brief together with our children this weekend, even though it is "her" weekend.

Seems like a really positive week for everyone I'm "following" on here. it's really nice. Previously, seemed like there were a few weeks where things were bad for everyone.



Every time I write about positive things online, things go to $#@$#. I hope this time is different.