Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

[SueS]

lwb-

I was happy about the "love you" I got from my H last night. I'm trying like heck to not put a huge amount of stock into it, but still see it as a positive thing. It's a hard thing to balance.

Last night when H got home, he was a little silly, which was nice to see. We talked about the day....etc. I had said that we got our Direct TV working (temporarily) yesterday. We have a tv in the living room & one in the bedroom. My H grabbed a snack & came into the bedroom to watch his favorite baseball team, sitting on the bed near me.

lwb....remember the other day when I said that I was thinking about just saying a little (non emotional).....I know something isn't right....just don't give up on me kind of deal. Well, it got quiet & I said.....Honey......kind of with that -here comes a question kind of tone. He....in an annoyed tone.....said "what?". I just said.....if you hear my alarm go off in the morning, can you please push me out of bed?? His response was a very suprised "Why?". I said....well, with D3 sick all week, I haven't been able to get out and walk/jog. I really need to get back out and I don't want to miss the opportunity tomorrow morning.

H then came up & laid down on his side of the bed to watch the rest of the game. He was flipping through channels & came across a Cinemax movie.....you know the kind I'm talking about. I joked and said....you know what this will do to me don't you. He just smiled. I leaned over toward him and he smiled and jokingly said....I'm tired. I shocked him by saying....Remember that time a while back when we'd had so much going on & you told me that it didn't matter if I was tired, we were still going to have sex???.....well, that's what I'm telling you. I later got annoyed when I saw H look at his watch. I thought damn it, it's almost 11:00 pm......guess it's time for you to go work out and call OW. Well, much to my surprise, H got up and put on the shorts that he wears to bed. YESSS!! At least no calls to OW tonight. I know that they talked yesterday, but at least I did something tonight to stop him from wanting to leave.

This morning our D3 was all bright eyed & bushy tailed. I got ready, got her medicine done. H did let me give him a kiss good-bye. I wonder if H is waiting to see if the changes I'm making are going to stick.

One thing I need some help on is this........it's our 13-year anniversary on Monday (3rd). I did buy a card & wanted to pick up something for H. I want to acknowledge the day, but don't want to get so mushy as to push him further into this deal he's in.

I'm trying like heck to keep positive. The more assertive and positive I am the better things seem to go. It's just hard having to be UP all the time. When this crap is going on, I just feel like I have to be on top of my game.....looks, attitude....etc....all the time. I never get the opportunity to be grouchy or tired. Just not fair!!

SueS