You do realize that on the SURFACE this flies in the face of differentiation ideas?
No, because you are doing TWO things at once. You are upping the validation (to help your partner get to a place of self-validation), and at the same time, you are STOPPING the invalidation you are throwing at your partner, thereby helping yourself to self-validate, or 'hang onto yourself, or... differentiate.
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The ONLY purpose for differentiation that I can see is to block out and protect yourself from negative and damaging feelings.
Again, Cobra, the goal of differentiation is NOT to block out anything. As a matter of fact, you will feel more than you ever have in your life, probably. Differentiation is about acknowledging and accepting your own negative feelings, and not attempting to make them your partners problem.
You efficiently DEAL with your own emotions. THEN you can express them to your partner, for informational purposes... so they don't inadvertently invalidate you all over the place as you work on processing YOUR emotions.
Enmeshment occurs when you don't understand the the cycle of the circle you are talking about. Enmeshment is unawareness.
I think you would really benefit from reading that online book Cobra... I'm pretty sure it will put the 'icing on the cake' of your understanding.
All those things you get, but you can't quite name or express... to really get that final... click...? Maybe. Maybe not. I'd be interested in your thoughts, though, if you do decide to read it.
