Ummm - I had hope. I had faith in him. He's pretty much broken that for me. Maybe I'm still really angry. I know I'm distrustful. I think I'm at a place now where I know I've done what I could to "fix" what I did. This isn't on me now.
And he's with her. Of all people - a low blow. An easy out because she's already mostly hooked, less work to "find" someone new.
I had faith in him, and realize now that I shouldn't have. I shouldn't put my faith in people. They let you down.
The night I saw him with her at the bar, we went next door and I met this fella. He's nice, sweet and attentive. I don't want serious, I want a friend. I am not ready for a new relationship, but I enjoy talking to him. I know it's new, and it can wear off, but he's more attentive to me in this week, than XH was in probably two years or more.
I've taken a hard look at our marriage. I know we can all be selfish, but I think he is right in the aspect that he should have never been married. When I look back, I see some sacrifices, but mostly it was his wants. It was not a partnership - and I'm sure he'd say the same thing.
I will always love him. Maybe one day he will realize he had someone that loved him unconditionally like he claimed to. For now, that's not happening and I can't sit and wait on him to maybe change his mind, or take me as his second choice.
Our daughter is doing ok, although she has become VERY clingy with me this week and I'm unsure why. Thankfully my hours at the 2nd job are quite a bit less and we're having a girls weekend so I'm hoping that will help her.
Basically, I've decided I need to focus on her and taking care of her. Being a good mom. A good person. Because you know, I made a mistake, but I am still a good person. And I am tired of being beat down for a mistake. I choose not to beat him over the head about his....
Did that make any sense?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
