It is much, much, much easier to feel validated, and need it less, when someone who has importance in your life... is validating you. You may not need a whole lot of it... but the sprinkling in of it helps keep everything in proper working order.
Now... if this guy were constantly invalidating you, and you were not aware of all of this... that invalidation would begin to affect you. Because you are dating, you can drop the guy, and go find someone else who does validate you.
But when you are in a committed R... you don't have that choice (to go elsewhere). You gave it up.
So you are left with the task of righting the wrongs... and if you are unaware of it, if you don't know the problem... it makes it pretty tough to fix it.
It's easy to say to a married person... 'well, you just need more self-esteem... or.. if you can learn how to not be so sensitive, or ease up on your desires... that would help.'
No. Not really.
STOPPING the invalidation is the trick. And when you are pissed and hurt at one another, that can make it kind of tough.
