WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[Heimlich]

Good post yesterday Nugget.

GD posted something on control on my thread and I'll put it up here:

Oh, and I wanted to make a comment regarding something you posted on waw1978's thread:


Quote:
GD and his W are the same age and there were still control issues.


This is more or less true (I'm 2 yrs older). However, when we first began dating, I was 17 and she was 15. Back then, that was a fairly distinct age difference (Sophomore and Senior). I believe that this lends strongly to that new "theory" that age factors in with the control issues. I was the "older boyfriend" and therefore felt like I knew best or more about things.

Also, I think that education has something to do with the control issues. For a while, I kind of felt I had a much broader understanding about life and such because of my going to and graduating from college. I think this, combined with our early relationship where I was "older," played into my control issues. Also, my insecurity as a man -- not being able to do handy work and be a Mr. Fix-It kind of guy -- definitely played a role.

GD

I'm not controlling, but I've always thought I was smarter than the average bear. It took me a long time to realize that smarts doesn't really mean squat. A little arrogance from that affected the intimacy (emotional) between my W and I. Stupid, stupid.

I know what you mean about not being a Mr Fix It type. I can do simple things if I put my mind to it, just always felt like I'd screw it up. Back to underlying fear of being wrong about things, so not wanting to screw it up so not beginning something like that.

Someone mentioned the idea of control and fear. Just a quick impression on this, but I'm thinking that we were all scared of losing what we had, so instead of living like we wanted to, we lived out of fear of losing our spouses and acted in ways untrue to ourselves out of that fear, driving our spouses away. From the exposure I've had to controlling people, they are motivated by fear -- of losing, of being hurt, of feeling vulnerable, of whatever. Just a half-baked thought for a Friday morning.

BD