In regards, to contacting OM, this is the temptation that the devil and his followers are sending your way. He is wanting you to believe the lack of intimacy is because you don't "love" your husband. Sandi2, God teaches us that we are to love ourselves and love others regardless of their actions.
A wall has been put between you and your husband, that wall has been carefully crafted over years so it seems you can not break through it. Again this is the evil ones plan, and he is executing it perfectly. I do not profess anything except you are somewhat familar with my sitch. I am very affectionate by nature and my W. can still offer little to me because of her feelings and how badly I have hurt her. Almost every night a little voice goes off in my head. I don't hear anything but I think it, it just pops in there. My thoughts are this "you deserve better, you will never be happy here again, she will never forgive you, you know what kind of person she is, everything is black and white, give up go out and find someone who appreciates you."
This is a load of crap and a direct result of not focusing on what is truely important. Had I gone to my wife 4 years ago and said, honey we are having issues can we do some things together, I want to listen. I would not been in the position I am in today. Continue to ask for forgiveness, repent when you falter, you may again, we all do at times. But most of all find a way to talk to your husband and try it. Maybe you don't feel it because you have forgotten how it feels.
Just like sometimes we forget about what is right and what is wrong. Ask for help, it will be given and watch for the traps that are always there. His greatest gift to us besides the opportunity to live in paradise (his love eternal) is our free will, but that is what the other preys on.
Choose to love, do things for yourself with the purpose of ultimately doing them for each other. You can learn to love again, it is not that your passion for him is dead, it is you have forgotten and H. probably has as well what it was you had when you guys were more intimate. Find your trigger, conversation or whatever stimulates you, explore things together, you can do it but it is so much easier when you have your husband there to help. Do not fear minor setbacks, just like in the spiritual batttle, the devil wins many battles but he will not win the war. Same goes for our lives, do the right thing, you can find happiness, you wouldn't be together for 20 years if you did not know how.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
