Almost a WAW

[GoodGuy]

Sandi2, (here it is)
I have just finished reading your last 2 posts, and I am very thankful for your insight.
My W is also a WAW, the 2nd time in 5 years, the 1st time we were apart for 4 months. This time she moved out 2 months ago, but we lived in separate rooms for 5 months before that while we split all assets including the house.
I believe my W tried to tell me many times about what she didn't like in our M, I guess I swept things under the rug, and if she didn't mention it again I thought everything was alright again.
She seemed happy though, we entertained friends, went out for dinner once or twice a week, on vacations, not enough dates though (hard to find a sitter, no family here).
I needed to follow the "Velvet & Steel" plan you mentioned, but like most of us idiot husbands, I pleaded, cried, begged, tried to change her mind, and felt like a sad sack little boy.
Since she's moved out, I've been very good at just being her friend, giving her space and time (told her I loved her once when she asked me why I was looking at her that way) and she got mad at me, said it was not going to change how she feels.
I see her for a few moments a few times every week, I am cordial, smile, but I find it's hard to be a friend, friends hang out and talk, we don't!
I find mutual friends of ours have taken sides too, even my neighbors that we are good friends with have started hanging out only with her, yet at first, they couldn't understand what she was doing and giving up. I have heard that this is typical of friends, one side or the other.
You seem like a woman who has given a lot of yourself to salvage an unhappy R. May I ask if you tried counseling? Or a "couples weekend" that they have around the country? Your M must be a very important vow to you, for all that you have done to try to salvage it. I believe that the people here have a little bit of that passion in them, that's why they read and write and try to find answers. I don't know you, but I am impressed by you.
I went to counseling with my W 4 times before she moved out, it didn't help because she wasn't interested.
When we broke up 5 years ago, she brought home brochures on "Couples weekends", I looked at them and threw them away thinking our problems were solved, I am a jerk!
But I'm a nice jerk, I love my wife and family very much, I am a an affectionate, (not just for sex) hard working, caring idiot who didn't notice my wife trying to smarten me up, and now I am paying the price.
I keep busy with the gym and sports and friends, but I live in a quiet house during the one week my S is with my W, then he comes here for a week and fills the void.
I'm not sure if my W will ever come home, it's a question we all ask ourselves. But I really appreciate your insight and honesty.
If you have any other advice, I will listen with both eyes open.
PS: I was on the phone with my W for about 20 minutes last night, mainly talking about our son. He is fighting my W every step of the way, he doesn't like that we are not together, and he told her he will never be happy again, it broke my heart. My W asked me if I had a girlfriend yet, I told her no (she said why not, you have needs, your only human). I asked her if she had a boyfriend yet, she said no, I asked her why not, your only human, she said I don't need that, you lnow me. Thats us up to date, thanks.