My w has come back home after about 2 months of seperation. She has admitted to me that she may have come back for reasons other than me. She came back because of our D(10) and because she was homesick. She says she doesn't have any sexual feelings for me. She says she did not have an affair and I do believe her.
She asked if we could try to be together last night, but also asked if she wanted me to stop, would it hurt my feelings. I said that would be fine. So, we don't get very far into slight touching, and she begins crying and asked to stop. I of course stopped, but it didn't seem like she even tried. To me she seemed like a woman who has been sexually abused or raped. Neither of those have happened to her though.
Though she may have come back for reasons other than me, she is committed to working things out, and I am patient. Her feelings for me will come back, but I am very worried about this lack of any sexual desire. Not that I can't live without sex for a while longer, but rather why is she so afraid/ uneasy about even touching sexually?
Hey waterboy probably a really good time to try to see a sex therapist with your wife as a part of a reconciliation. I've been in a similar situation as you are and going to a therapist was part of what was required to get things back on track in my marriage.
She says she did not have an affair and I do believe her.
So, we don't get very far into slight touching, and she begins crying and asked to stop.
To me she seemed like a woman who has been sexually abused or raped. Neither of those have happened to her though.
Sounds more like a woman who had an affair and is full if guilt for it. Maybe the reason she came back is because the other man broke it off. If she broke it off, she would probably have another man ready to go.
I was thinking the same thing as Cobra. I have actually guessed in a recent post that this might be a factor in my own situation. A couple of questions:
Why did you guys separate in the first place? Who was it that initiated the separation?
What would you do if your w did have an affair, or even a one night stand while you were separated? What does she think your reaction would be? Do you think that her anticipation of you reaction would keep her from owning up?
How did you two interact when you were separated?
I know these are not easy questions to contemplate, but you will need to think on them anyway.
Buckle up!
LM
Lucky me, I could have been someone else FOREVER! Whew, that was close!
I of course have thought that she was acting like this because she had an affair and was feeling guilt. She says she didn't and what choice do I have other than to believe her? Do I continue to question her? What if she is telling the truth and my questioning pushes her away again?????
We seperated because she was unhappy and felt that I had emotionally not loved her for a long time.
If I found out it was an affair, and if it were over for good, I would want our marriage to continue. It is possible that she has had one and will never tell me. She has had plenty of opportunities to tell me. For a long period of time, in her mind, we were getting a divorce.
When we were seperated, we had contact almost daily. Some of it was concerning our D and some of it was just chatting.
Hey water. I think for you it doesn't really matter what happened you want to move forward with the rebuilding of the relationship. You not know what to do right now but do you know what you want?
It seems to me that you've already answered your own questions. For you right now, I don't see where anything good comes from pushing the issue. She at least seems like she might be interested in working on it, but it is going to be a her pace. Anything you do to try to change that pace will probably not work out well.
She tells me tonight that she just doesn't have any feelings for me(romantically). I feel as if she is definitely only back for our D and that she may be expecting me to be okay with things the way we are, basically living as roommates. There is no love being thrown around by her and definitly no sexual contact at all. This sucks.
that she may be expecting me to be okay with things the way we are, basically living as roommates.
You wrote earlier:
she is committed to working things out,
So, what steps have the two of you planned to accomplish this?
Has she said she is committed or not?
And if she has said she is committed, what is she committed to?
- Living together as roommates until your daughter is 18?
- Working together (with the assistance of professionals/books/study?) to have an actual marriage between inateractive, loving adults?
- Staying in the same house together, doing exactly what you are currently doing (or not doing in this case) and waiting for the marriage fairy to sprinkle fairy marriage dust and bringing into being the "happily ever after"?
Are you willing to live under the current conditions for the next how ever many years she deigns to live with you? Do *you* find that acceptable?
If you don't find that acceptable, have you told her so?
Or are you *hoping* that something is going to change without any plan?
