HS... that was the final exam for the required course. No, not more practice... lol. Now I wait for my certification to arrive and then I can schedule my State exam. Thanks for looking out for me. No expectations. I think I'm doing good with that. At the same time, I think I'm doing good with setting boundaries also. I am happy with how well I'm doing, and pretty proud of how well I'm handling things. I'm not perfect, but I am feeling really good with myself. It's nice to still feel lovingly detached, and not be sliding back into those moments of worrying about where H is at with us... it really doesn't matter. Have to say... H helps with this too, as he is not Mr. Perfect.
Had a great day at the beach today. The weather wasn't as fabulous as yesterday, but I came home to the warm sun. Started the day with my homemade smoothies and french press coffee again, and I made us sandwiches for lunch today too. It was appreciated and enjoyed. We got out early enough, and surfed in the fog. The surf wasn't as good as yesterday either, but it was just that much more comfortable today after getting that fight out of the way yesterday... hehee. We hung out and visited with a friend again after our first session, so that was cool. He and his W are separated too... not sure if they are D or not at this point. They have a couple kids. We just talked about positive stuff. Was another good day out with H.
H and I both thanked each other numerous times for the great day we had. When he was dropping me off at home, he said today was the highlight of his summer. It is kind of crazy how we can now hang out with each other so comfortably. He seems to be working to respect and consider my feelings more than he ever has, and taking some responsibility. This is a huge step for him. It's nice, but I'm not holding my breath. I won't be surprised if he can't continue facing himself... and that's what he would have to do around me. I don't let him blame me for his feelings. I think I've gotten better at effectively standing up for myself.
Today, H asked me if I ever just think about what things would be like if we would've just started a family years ago when we were younger instead of how our lives went. I told him I really didn't... that I prefer to accept things for what they are and how things went, and just move forward. I asked him if he does and he said "I often think about that." (Glad that was his decision not to have kids yet, and not mine, or it might've been tough to hear.) We didn't continue that convo long, as we were heading into the store for snacks then. He only basically repeated himself when we were in the store. I said ya never know, maybe things will work out better for us the way we did things. Maybe I should ask him more about this thought of his another time? I need to get better at asking him questions about what he is saying, rather than giving him my thoughts. I've often felt he is fishing for my thoughts, and don't feel I get all of HIS thoughts from him.
He later suggested he was slow to grow up, but left it out there for me to comment on. (hehee... nice try.) I just asked him "do YOU think you were?" He said yeah. I acknowledged him, then added that I think I was slow to grow up in a lot of ways too. He said "No, you weren't. You were always mature." I said something like "I had some areas that I was definitely slow to learn in." He seems to be seeing that he has acted like a juvenile in many ways for much of his adult life. This was only one example of that. Most everyone we know have kids by now, and young guys are getting hired on where he works and starting families right away. It seems to be making him think, and he's actually sharing this with me which is pretty nice I must say.
OK, enough for now. Thanks for reading.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
