I know it's out of desperation, but does he not learn a single thing from all the advice the rest of you give him?????
Honestly, NO. I don't know if it is all guys in general or just some guys, there are even a hand full of them on the forums right now, that do the same things over and over that push theirs W's farther away. Even after members on the forum have told them repeatedly not to do it or not to repeat it again. But, low and behold a few days later they will be back on here with a sad tell of how the messed up and did it again.
I have been working on my R for almost a year now. Bought a copy of "Divorce Remedy" end of last Sept. And I am just finally starting to take to heart and apply diligently the advice and insight that are in the dozen of different books I have read and from the members on these forums. It is not because I am stupid, but more so because I am arrogant. I start to apply my own logic and I "THINK" I know what is best for me to do or what to say or how to approach things, even if they go against what I have learned. Well low and behold, they never seem to go as I "THOUGHT" they would and I regret doing them. Well needless to say, I am finally a firm believer of the information in the books and "MOST", not all, but most of the insight or opinions of the members her.
So, it is not that your H or we (men and maybe even women) don't learn, it's just that we think we know what is the best way for us to handle our R the best, not some book or some stranger, but us. Well let me tell you. I have learned that that thinking is a bunch of bullsh*t. If we knew what was best for our R, we would not be her in the first place. We would be in the arms of our loved ones, sitting on the couch, snuggled up watching a chick flic. But, her we are, with all our arrogance and self knowledge looking for some help on how to dig ourselves out of this hole we have dug.
All I can ask is that you talk openly, calmly, honestly with your H and be very, very patient with his immature nature right now. Soon enough he will understand that he does not have all the right answers or the right frame of mind to earn you trust and love. He needs to put aside his own logic and follow the knowledge of others who have been there, done that, failed and learned from it. He (we all) need to start fresh and WITH A BEGINNERS MIND to full understand and apply what we are learning.
Have patience with him as I hope he is have with you. Time, patience, compassion, honesty, understanding and love. That is what we all need to have and exercise, including the WAS.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
