Over the last few days contact between W and me has been limited. I sense she is feeling a little uneasy in my presence for some reason. Thats no worry as her uneasyness I suspect has more to do with her own feelings and thoughts than any action by me. I have noted that she asked to talk to me the other night on the phone and is happy to chat away. I had to phone her yesterday to discuss S16 and again we had a nice relaxed conversation.
So this is all good , I have been using the words our and we a little more as well and this also seems to be reflected back.
I am in a pretty good place myself right now , I no longer let fear get involved in any decisions I make . I can see now how over the last few years that when our R was deteriorating , fear of the consequences probably let to some poor decisions that only made the situation worse.
If there is one message I would give to anyone reading this is to let go of your fear and just do whats right and whats going to help obtain your goal no matter what that goal is. And your goal can change throughout this process.
I honestly do not think that I could have fully embraced this way of thinking unless we separated and as It was said by GD I think this could have been a great gift from my W.
If at some stage she chooses to give us another chance then I know its going to be quite a different relationship than we had before.
But there is no way of rushing this process , W has to see the changes I have made and also have faith that they are permanent. Then she needs to decide if she wants to be with me , then deal with her issues so that she feels safe to come back. She has the hardest road to follow right now.
I thought about writing her a letter but dont think I will , I think that by getting on with my life , being happy I can show her that I dont need her in my life , but can do little things that show her that I want her.
