As important as it is for us to the good groundwork about space, patience, etc etc, the trigger point almost always seems to be when the WA thinks someone else is moving in. Not even when we detach, but when we start disappearing for weekends and come back with big smiles - keep this up. Be kind, and patient, but continue to weave that mystery
Thanks for your feedback Slowly, it's amazingly accurate. While I've done a great job in creating mystery, I've found in the last couple of weeks that I rush in to give a few clues to solve the mystery when I see he's squirming. That, o/c is met with instant distancing & a push back.
After my party, I tried to make up for not inviting him by being a little extra nice, forgetting that it translates into pursuing.
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Yup, and there will be more of this, if he is true to the WAS form. There will almost certainly be some re-writing of history, so the less you say, the less he will have to 're-write'. Although he is not yet ready to look at the long term, he is right in that 'boxing in' anything would be unconstructive.
I said too much in the last couple of days & got a dose of rewriting as a result. Apparently, H is afraid of being around me right now b/c we argued so much in the last 3 yrs. It doesn't matter that we're not arguing now, b/c he has "muscle memory" as a result. How does the LBS get by that one, you don't even have to have an argument, they know that there's one just waiting to come out. At least the time frame of us being so unhappy has moved up from 8yrs to 3yrs.
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It's simply amazing to me how befuddled he becomes at being turned loose. So, perhaps the thing that is the hardest--the turning loose, the abdication of all control--is the real secret.
Maybe I've been trying to turn him loose so I can take a breather from the R, such as it is. It's been a pattern with me to "turn people loose", so I don't have to continue with the hard work of staying steady in my resolve. It does seem that the more I hand control of his decisions over, the more he digs his heals in.
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Not feeling the best are we ???
Must have been a great party then ??
Sadly Dave, I was a little "off" for a few days after, had a wonderful time though & "bonded" with some new friends, so I think it was worth it.
I'll do a separate post for Nomo, he's put a lot of time in the last couple of days.
