A few of my friends know and her grandmother who I am also very close to know what is going on. I have also made it clear to the people that I have divulged the information that I have a big hand in all of this as well.
It is getting to the OM as well. He was her father's close friend. There was another time where she spent the night with him after having surgery to remove a cancerous tumor that really clued everone in. I know it eventually will get to her and she will come clean but until then I am trying to get throug on day at a time without telling her to get out...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
She has always wanted his approval from him as well as the rest of her family. I really think she is questioning the relationship.
Had a reall heart to heart with her last night. She made dinner again for the two of us and helped with some other things as the night progressed. When I finally decided that I should go to bed I decided to give her a kiss to show that I really appreciated what she has done. I have not kissed her on a regular basis as part of the detachment of DB'ing. When I kissed her she did not pull away and we progressed to make out for the next 10 minutes.
As we finished though is when things got interesting. I could tell there was something on her mind and when I asked, she opened up. I really did a lot of things that hurt her leading up to this past few months and she again wanted to make it loud and clear that her feelings have not changed. I made it clear that I completely understood where she was coming from. She elaborated on her stance, which really scared me. She questions are M because of my actions and she has begun to think that there might be someone better for her out there. She is having a real tough time believing I will change and that even if I do that they will stick because that has been the case in the past. I told her that I have and will change and that I would prefer it be with her but essentially that was her choice.
I know we have not been on the best of grounds with our relationship but hearing that come from her really scared me. i know I can move on and will if needed but I want her to be a part of my life...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
Sometimes those R talks can be scary. We know what they are thinking by their actions, but to hear the actual words is hard. But....think of this...she would have pulled away from you if she was totally 'over' everything. There wouldn't have been any kissing. She is probably still confused, and didn't want to send mixed signals and hurt you. You did all the right things but not arguing with her feelings.
Yeah, she has told me in the past that she wants to stay together for our son and she still does love me but my actions in the past have hurt her so bad that she does not feel comfortable taking me back. I totally accept ehr stance and I hope that she can see that I am truly sorry and want to work on me...All I can do is pray about it. It really is not in my hands.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
Isn't it hard when we want it fixed so badly, but have no control?? However, some days I feel much better when I say to myself "I can't control this, its not up to me" (meaning up to a higher power). Its like its out of my hands so I can focus on taking care of myself and the kiddos.
Its great she is saying those things about wanting to stay together and that she loves you. Maybe like my H, she is afraid that things will be better for a year or two, then revert back. I can't do anything but GAL to show him otherwise. My words mean nothing to him at this point.
I am in the same boat. I am trying to do the things that attracted her to me in the first place and GAL which I think she has noticed. Her fear is what is holding her back and holding us back...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
The OM has a lot of money and is divorced himself. He spends his money frivliously and she is caught up in it. I took a nap this afternoon and as I came out to the living room I heard them talking about seeing each other and doing things together. It drives me nuts...
I do have to say that she has been here a lot more. I think this is an attempt to get her family off of her case since they know what is going on. The OM was one her dad's best friend and now he was quoted in saying that "he will never trsuted again."
She is debating that the grass may be greener on the other side. All I want is for her to make a decision one way or the other. I know I have a lot to do with this and accept it...It is out of my hands though...
Last edited by NoDirection; 08/30/0711:50 PM.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
We are both being walked on and if my son was not in the picture as soon as she turned down counseling we would ahve been through. It is hard because everyone I have talked to tells me to move on but I do still have feelings for her and do not want to do this to my son...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
