A couple of nights ago, I had taken the bus to the airport to meet her plane (she had driven herself when she left).we had a really good time on the way home, although she was really tired. The kids were all at "my" house. When I got her home we were very close, just hugging and holding each other. She said it was too bad that the kids were not here, then I would be able to stay.
Last night, we had a date. We went into town and listened to a band. No dancing but had a good time, talked a lot. She had worked late, so we met there. I had run around like a crazy person getting the kids together, books, homework, pizza, had them all at "her" house before I left. When we got home, she was pissed off because all the kids were there and I hadn't told her anything about it. She said she would want them anytime, but would like to be told in advance.
I just told her that I had hoped that like the other night, having them here would alow us to spend more time together. I apologized for not understanding what she meant the other night (I still don't). I was not trying to do anything other than afford us an opportunity to be close.
It was unexpected and not something I would have done 8 months ago, and was obviously not the right thing, right now. At the end of the conversation, I just asked her what it was that she wanted? I told her that I really needed her to tell me because I was having a hard time figuring out what it was that she needed to feel loved.
No response other then "it is just a bad night." I think she had had a bad day at work, was late getting out, and generally stressed. That said, it still goes back to the general lack of any concern for me. I had obviously tried really hard to do something for us and she couldn't even muster a "that was really sweet, but tonight is not a good night for me."
I get the giving them space, but if the underlying problem is a lack of communication, how much do you try to spur discussion?
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81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
but had a good time, talked a lot. She had worked late, so we met there. I had run around like a crazy person getting the kids together, books, homework, pizza, had them all at "her" house before I left. When we got home, she was pissed off because all the kids were there and I hadn't told her anything about it. She said she would want them anytime, but would like to be told in advance.