But there was nothing #3

[mkultra]

I guess I am the lone voice here, but I am relieved that myH is spendingLESS time with the kids. I don't feel guilty. Am I being a bad mom? He is homeless and acting angry.

[runningoutoftime]

Ooops forgot that link... here it is:
http://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Legacy-Divorce-Landmark-Study/dp/B000FTBP9G

EXCELLENT book! In fact a great resource for any parent who is going throuh divorce to help you realize how it may affect your children and possibly minimize the damage. And also, I thought it was very good for adult children of divorce. I know it helped me see some things in myself that I didn't realize or connect the dots to. It explained some of my own behaviors, thoughts and reactions in relationships and family dynamics.

Mkultra,
I'm sure you are not a bad mom. And with all the stress and tension in these situations the disconnection can be a relief. Hopefully it will only be temporary and they can eventually reconnect and have a strong and loving relationship.

[SallyM]

mk, you have a whole lot more going on, though, from what I read in your posts. and that doesn't make you a bad mom, it makes you a good one...is he hostile to the kids? if h was, I wouldn't want him around them much, either. my h, for the most part, is still good with the kids. I think his patience is tested from time to time, sounds like he snaps at them more than normal, since he's at his moms and doesn't have me for a buffer. the thing is they adore him, and when I observe them all together, he's still the good dad he's always been. in fact, I'm the only person he's different with, as far as I can see. he's still his normal fun self to everyone...he saves all his anger/jerkiness for me. ah, so fun to be singled out so.

[Kali]

Haven't updated in awhile, mostly because there is nothing to update. Things are still doing so, so. H wants to be friends, so that is what I am doing. I am trying to do LRT but make sure to be friendly and outgoing when in contact.

Feeling down today, because today being Labor Day, normally we would bbq and invite a few friends over. H is working today, not sure what time, he was pretty vague about it, and I dont think we will see him today.

Been contemplating inviting him over for a bbq when he gets off, but I know he would probably say no, so do not want to deal with the rejection.

Just feeling pretty blah, know I need to get the kids and I out of this house and do some GAL'ing but I also have not done any work in a few days, so should just bury myself in work. Honestly it is to hot to go anywhere and I do not know of any Labor Day parties, my friends are all pretty boring. LOL

[Yoyowife]

You are not a bad mother. Everyone nees some me time.

Cook out for your children. It will get back to H and he will see what he missed. Make sure to cook children's favorites so they will be excited to talk to him about it. Do something fun with the kids. Have a water balloon fight, get the water hose after them. Heck even wash your car kids love to do that!

[LL44]

Yoyo! You took the words out of my mouth!! BBQ for yourself and your kids. Have a great day, make a memory for your kids and for yourself.

[Kali]

Well I was all up to do that. Then I realized it is just to hot, so we are still having hamburgers but cooking them in the house.

For some reason I can not get out of this funk today. Feeling so down and sorry for myself. Feeling like this whole thing is not fair, and who am I to kid myself that my H will ever consider coming back. I started thinking about the two of them and it just is not helping.

I know I see little positive signs, but sometimes I think I am reading into them more then I should. I think maybe he is just happy that I no longer give him grief, give him guilt, and can be his friend. But that is not what I want, but I cant let him know that. So he is moving forward carrying on with his OW while I am here all alone. I just sometimes think maybe I should just give up on DB because I am to freaking lonely. I just want companionship and someone to love me, my H does not love me, or not enough to not do the things he has and is doing to me.

[Yoyowife]

Cali,
I know it is so hard to detach, but don't give up yet. He's only been gone a couple of weeks. You might want to think about going to dr. and checking out anti-depressants. I held off for a long time going, but got to talking to friends and found out so many were one them. People I would have never dreamed of. Wish I would have done it earlier. It sure changed my mood. I still have my down days sometimes, but at least I can function now. Before all I could do was think of H and OW. I couldn't sleep, eat, think, work, stay still, you name it.

[Kali]

Thanks YoYo, already on anti-depressants, went on them after about a month or so and they saved me so far. Just can not get out of this funk? H has actually been gone just over three months now, and he now seems so happy to have moved on and is doing what he wants.

[Yoyowife]

Cali,
Just remember we all have our bad days. You are human. They all seem like they are happy. It will catch up with him. It may be may be a month it may be years, but I believe they will reap what they sow. In the meantime, just know it will get better. It gets easier with time. It doesn't mean you accept it or agree with it, but as they say time heals all wounds.