Thanks much for your perspective. Transition may indeed be a better term, given that when I read what many on these boards have gone through my situation looks like a walk in the park. If she's in "crisis" it's mild by comparison to many I've seen here.
She's 39. She said at one point early in the separation that she needed to figure out if she could trust me with her future, and that she didn't have much time left to "get it right." I empathize with what she's saying. I absolutely agree that I had/have some major work to do, and I'm doing it. She does too, in terms of what I need from her and wasn't getting. It's a classic example of the two of us spiraling apart, where one person's actions reinforce and expand the distance felt by the other. I take responsibility for most of the problems, yet if all she feels is that she's a victim I won't go back. I need some changes from her, too.
I'm facing things I should have faced long ago, and I feel good about that no matter what happens with us. I hate to sound arrogant, but in many was the husband she's wanted and needed is starting to appear right in front of her, if only she'll look. I know there's a lot of reason for doubt on her part, and that a lot of history pulls her in the other direction. I'm not naive; I know that many people change only after it's too late. Still, I'm standing for my marriage and will be patient. It helps to know that three months isn't long in these matters. And if it doesn't work, I'll try to take some consolation in that I've become a better person for whomever may enter my life next. Take care.
