You know that the insecurity and self esteem issues are tough. If a spouse continues to ask questions then obviously S doesn't feel secure, and if the other S is undecided then obviously they can't feed the ego of the one asking questions.
Solution, get the insecure S DR and tell them to shut there mouth. I know it is hard from my experiance. Some times I can't.
WAW,
You mentioned that your H withdrew from everyone as well, have you thought about asking him about that? It seems odd that it would be done on both sides, you see H do this to W's, but not usually themselves as well.
