Unfortunately, I don't think he'll ever feel safe. It's funny, but even when the affair was starting up, and I *knew* it was happening, felt it occurring, and he was starting to get frantic (he knew that I knew). There was one time before he moved out and filed for divorce where he said he could never go through what had happened before. It broke him down and changed him. At that time I tried to prepare him to feel safe in opening up to me and even telling him I was older, wiser and much better at dealing with things. I think I also displayed this. I used to joke to my friends that I felt like a saint!
But I did get really angry about 3 or maybe 4 times. And perhaps those destroyed any chance of him feeling secure. At this point, by the time he does feel secure (if ever!), it will be 5 years from now and he'll have forgotten everything that happened. He generally has a poor memory for anything that isn't numerical or scientific.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
