y everyone, I have been following DNQ for the last couple of days, I love the fact the he is so strong and patient. I will update/explain my sitch, briefly. Like everyone else, at 42 I never thought I would be in this situation, but....? anyway after 17 m, and 22 yrs together, W dropped bomb 1 yr ago. We struggled through the fall into Jan. started MC in jan, she cried through all 3 sessions, after the 3rd, I sat her down and told her I could tell her heart was not in it. I offered to leave, come home on weekends and she would go to IC.. that lasted one vist.
She filed and would not even consider changing her mind in March, I resisted at first. I have been a pain in her a..s, I admit.. I was so angry and confused. She had a EA all fall, her refusal and insistance on being able to do whatever she wanted with her :"friend", lead to intense disagreements.
We fought over Custody and support.. the court awarded her a bullsh___ award, her attorney lied and said my 3 s's dont stay overnight with me, they were with me like 70% of the time. After the realization that I would have to move 1 hr away to the city where I work, (cost $500 a month to commute) I can not afford to pay support and commute. She cried and begged me to stay, she would give me back the payments if I stayed. She had already planned on taking second job with her "enabler" friend ( am I the only one who's was has an enabler, butting into your business) they are soo annoying. ya know, like the ugly girlfriend, who blows smoke up their butts and gives them terrible adivce.
anyway last week I finally caught her spending the night with her "were just friends" EA, she still denied it, she was there cleaning at 6am.. lol so with our Custody and support worked out, and her caught red handed having an A. I wrote an addendem to the divorce papers she served back in March. It was what we agreeded on in writing. I want to get away from this adultress, though it breaks my heart. ( recently read Poohbear "letting go". ) which finally gets me to my point.
tonight she hits me with a fourth night this week that she has to work over night on her second job. she works 7 to 7, she actually passed out last week at karate... what a dope. she is working like 80 hrs aweek.. anyway, now she says that she does not want kids to stay with me during the school week. She thinks they should have a babysitter and stay at her house overnight, for "stability'.
She has a masters degree in early childhood ed. I am 3 classes away from my masters in educational administration- are you kidding me? She is in love with some guy 15yrs younger, (denies it) She filed for divorce in March, I will sign this minute, just give me my sons 1/2 the time. I even agreed to take them a fourth night if she wants to work 4 nights. But I will not have them with a stranger overnight when they can be with me. Now she says she wont sign the adendem, HELP ME UNDERSTAND!, what's going on here... She wins, I quit.. I just want to take my boys 1/2 the time and I will go away. I have stopped hassling her. ( I usally do great, but have a backslide every 2-3 weeks.)
If she wants a D, why wont she sign? I really do want to let go. _________________________ play hard or go home. _________________________ play hard or go home.
her "enabler" friend ( am I the only one who's was has an enabler, butting into your business) they are soo annoying. ya know, like the ugly girlfriend, who blows smoke up their butts and gives them terrible adivce.
I know all about this. My Ws "Enabler" has managed to convice her that she should be out at dance clubs shaking her ass at 36 years old rather than being with her kids and that she is a lesbian.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
that is so ironic, I swear these two are doing crazy things, my w is so enbolden when after contact with this B. there are times when I swear they are lovers. which at the least helps explain some things.
I call my Ws Bad Friend. She is a woman that claims to be a friend that has convinced my W that the things she is doing is good and even right. In fact, I'm pretty sure that she has convinced my W to do them in the first place. I invision her saying things like: "You don't need to go home to your family, wouldn't it be more fun to come to the bar with me?"
Last edited by Imageer; 08/30/0706:13 PM.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Enabler = person who makes it easier for MLCer to do the MLC thing.
Examples:
-Giving them money. -Tell them how lousy/rotteon spouse is, get a D, etc. -Going along on MLC outings -Encouraging drinking/drugs/OW or OM, or providing any of the above.
Last edited by breton39; 08/30/0710:41 PM.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
simonw, sorry haven't posted in a while. I hope your doing okay. I'm sorry you feel like quiting. It really is about being consistant. The more consistant you are, the better the outcomes will be, for the most part that is.
But we all have our different boundaries and our limits. As a christian, I feel like we should have an everlasting patience waiting on God's perfect timing. But I totally understand how you feel. You are not superman, and no one should expect you to be. Your children are more important, and if your sitch is causing you more problems than you can handle, you need to do what you can for your sanity. I always hope that any LBS on here can get thru their sitch and have the patience, but every sitch is different and I know it is soooo hard. It's probably the hardest thing we will ever go thru.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
