Perhaps in some cases this is a sign that the WAS is struggling/torn/can't face it/on the bring of coming home/etc...
But, in most cases, I really think they can't be bothered if it is not something that will help them in some clear way. A WAS is very nearly completely emotionally D. The M isn't guiding their choices in any way. It is over. The legal D is a pain in the butt that really isn't just much of a priority for them because they are not all-about-the-M anymore at all. It just isn't much on their radar.
FWIW, Suit, I can see that your reply to Angelica was most likely cheeky, not hostile. But, I can also see how it might be easily misconstrued by someone not used to your style.
My WAW was very honest. I mean the marriage is over, what do you have to lose. To be honest, you are acting like someone who doesn't want it to be over.
WAS means something different to your ex. We know it because we read this book called Divorce Busting. Did your ex read the book? No. To him, WA means bye. But you asked him and he was very honest.
Good question, and I have asked a similar question of my friends and family. It has been nine monts to the day of bomb drop, and 6.5 months of separation. As I plan to file shortly (do not want to but feel I have little choice), I guess I too will simply ask my WAW in due time. In my case I have had to do everything to get my house sold. She did help clean, but I am talking about getting the windows, plumber, electrician, carpets cleaned, real estate agent etc...
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
Also, tell me if you agree. This is the wrong place to be asking people why don't people who leave not finish up divorces. I know of spouses who took 5 years to finish up divorces and the LBS still doesn't get an answer why they waited. It would seem that a site geared towards people leaving their spouses would be the place to go.
Boy, people really do want the paperwork to *mean something big*, huh?
Look, I haven't filed my taxes on time for the last two years. I had to file extensions. Why? Because I had more important priorities in my life and it wasn't going to hurt me to put off addressing my tax returns. I wanted my tax returns done, it just made more sense to put them off.
D paperwork is a lot like a tax return to very many WASs. Other priorities are more pressing and attractive, D business is tedious, stressful, and takes funds and energy that could be applied to other priorities.
This does not make WASs in denial, lost in a fog, ready to run home, immature, or directionless. (This is not to say that many WASs aren't some of these things. Rather, the D-paperwork is not the big marker of such things that people would like it to be.)
Of course, at some point in handling the D, most will feel some sadness. They are not inhuman or evil. But fear/avoidance of that sadness is not driving the WASs idleness. In most cases, they don't even really expect it and are taken by surprise at their feelings if they occur. (No, this does not mean that they will think they were wrong, it just means that they will recognize that ending the M legally has more of an emotional impact than they anticipate.)
IMP--yes probably asking people who are WASs about this would yield better answers, but I don't think it is a problem, really, to ask about it here.
The question is motive. Motive probably has to do with wanting to hear that it means something that in all liklihood it doesn't. That is, the motive is to get some cheerleading either for the chances of the M or for the LBSs greater rightness, maturity, and so on...
