WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[Not Much Left]

Flip, I mean honey, is that you?
Nomo, you stole my line!

Anyway, my first thought was, a lot of us ARE journaling here, feelings on paper, a lot of venting, maybe our versions of the truth or whatever, but I personnally am not looking for anyone to validate that I was right and it was not my fault, just the opposite. So even if there are non-truths or whatever, it is like me reading your journal where you might be "lying" in my opinion about something that happened. I dont think you would be writing it to manipulate someone else unless you are trying to manipulate yourself? Sort of a question I guess.

I see nothing manipulative about this site, just my personaly opinion. Really, think about it, I have posted on lots of threads, WAW, Atlas, Heimlich, Nomo, Savingus, Warm&Sunny, Handful of Rain, and others and apart from leaving some things out that I just did not want to share, do you really think I would try and manipulate people I do not know? Why? Who cares what I write, this is for me and to hopefully help others see they are not alone.

Besides, it always seems so transparent when someone here posts a lot and they do not see what is going on with themselves, I guarantee someone like Sandi or WAW shows up and whacks us upside the head and says "Really, so...NO"

C

[waw1978]

Flip

I just want to add that I would be thrilled if my H would p
ick up the book, read it and join this support site. There are so many other LBS on here with similarities to my H maybe it would help him learn about himself and how to change his behaviors.

I am learning more and more about myself and what my role in the breadkdown of our M was. Certainly wasn't all his fault. I let him get away with unacceptable behaviors...for years.

Geez, it took my leaving just to get him to go to MC...after years of begging for it.

Sure I don't believe that he "gets it" Only time will tell. In the meantime I come here to find out what the LBS might be thinking and to try and better relate to him even though I too and struggling and in pain. The worst part is knowing that I am not strong enough to fight off his controlling tendencies. I know that if we reconcilled now I would continue to let him bully me. So until I do the work I need to do, then we can't be together.

I never wanted to be separated at 29 and facing the possibility of divorce.

Maybe by reading my posts he would figure out just how much a WAS hurts too.

[Nomopo]

do you really think I would try and manipulate people I do not know? Why? Who cares what I write, this is for me and to hopefully help others see they are not alone.

This is an excellent point to consider flip.

[Not Much Left]

Hey WAW

Here is a question I always wanted to ask. How do you interpret controlling and why would you not just say "look, I want..."

The world would be a better place. We controllers just tend to fill the voids left by people who dont speak up. At least that is how I feel and working on that little behavioral issue BTW.

Hugs
C

[Not Much Left]

WAW
Me thinks Flip is black ops, I mean one of our WAS!

JK Flip, this is very interesting, probably the best stuff I have seen in a while, and it has been a while.

C

[Atlas]

Nomo and CVA,

I think flip is talking about plans that the LBS is having reviewed her first. Just my guess as I might be trying to apply this to me. HI HONEY! LOVE YA!

Flipside,

It's a god send you have found this site, and you can post up without giving away your sitch. You have already given a lot of people her today a good insight into the feelings you as a WAW (I assume since you said your sitch relates to WAW's so much) have. You could give a lot of help and support here, and I know a lot of us guys could use a good talking to. If you get a moment after checking up on Nomo I would love a little 2x4'ing over at my thread.

WAW,

The controlling thing sucks, and it is a two way street. If you take down the road block he will drive all over the road like a madman. Learn to set those boundaries without being aggressive, my C had me look at that from the other side and it really clicked a lot, but putting into practice is hard.

[Nomopo]

I think flip is talking about plans that the LBS is having reviewed her first.

Great point Atlas. That makes sense, and I could see how flip would not view that favorably.

[Not Much Left]

I dont know what you guys mean, "plans that the LBS is having reviewed her first"???

[Nomopo]

You know, like when I come on hear and say I'm going to try to stop initiating contact, but when I do see W I will be happy, upbeat and positive (even if I am really pissed). Or, when I come on here and ask if I should try to meet W's LL with coffee or little gifts. How about when I ask all my friends if I should take care of things around the house or just let W do it. Those "strategies" probably look pretty manipulative and suspicious to a WAS.

[Not Much Left]

Aha!
I tend not to hold back! If I am not happy, I usually say it or avoid the boards. All the rest are just natural reactions to the situations we are in, arent they? Just trying to figure out what to do to make life different / better than it was.

I just thought about this, our strategies are efforts to impvove things and we cant help if they are perceived the wrong way because they are what we should have been doing before. We just have to keep on doing them till the perception changes from manipulation to this is how life will be from here on out.

and...we are all trying to get something from someone else "the takers in us" and anything we do along those lines is a manipulation of some sort. It is the intent and manner in which we do those things that count.

Yes or am I manipulating my own thoughts? That is sort of like looking in a mirrow with a mirror behind the mirror, or what is the size of the universe, or what is that person thinking...