I guess you didn't read the posts correctly in this stich. When we talked in the past about this months back, I validated everything she said to me and told her I understand why she felt that way and said that.
When I discuss how I felt, she says, "you shouldn't have felt that way." I am sure if I were to say the same thing to her, that would tick her off.
I did forgive her and her family. I think in the past, if she apolgized to me at the moment, it would have been much easier. Marriage is about Love, Sacrifice and Forgiveness.
I have apologized more then one time for gosh sakes. In fact, many times. What makes you think that in 20+ years I apologized one time? Please don't put words in my mouth based on your assumption. My wife only apolgized to me once this past January after she hit me the last time about 5 years prior. Its hard for me to believe that a spouse who is married over 20 years has only apologized one time for their behavior, action or what they have failed to do. No one is that perfect.
I would be fully willing to make changes but the difference is, my wife will not. Prior to our separation, she yelled out, "If you want to make this marriage work, YOU need to do this, that and the other." Notice, she did not need to make any changes what-so-ever.
As far as her family, there is a huge differnce between them and me. I told her that about 2 months ago, I guy I work with have become friends. He busts my chops, and I do the same. One time, I said something to him about how he looks because he works out so much and told him he needs to wear a bra. Well, he got quite offended and told me so. I hurt his feelings. Within 5 minutes I wrote him an e-mail of a 3 sentence apology. I told him I thought I was being funny and it was never my intention to hurt or offend you. My wife said to me that was cruel what I said.
That is what a mature adult says. He takes accountability for his behavior, recognizes it was in poor takes and makes an apology. Why? Because he is a human being and deserves that respect. That is me. I did not state this last paragraph to my wife.
Then I told her that for years, I kept hearing the same story over and over again about bashing the Catholic Faith by her dad for the last 17 years and the brother-in-law. I told them to basically knock it off. For years, I used the words please and was always polite about it. Don't you think I deserve the same respect when my feelings were being hurt? Apparantly they didn't think so and that hurts. Her reply, they were being funny and you can't expect my dad to change. Then I dropped it because she doesn't get it. Now of course J, you will think she is right and that is your preogative. I don't agree with my wife because people can change, not by themselves, but by allowing God to change them.
I am no longer welcome in their homes and I am find with that. Hmm, the family is working hard to repair this marriage right? Quite frankly, I don't care if I am welcome or not. I only care what God thinks of me and to please HIM, not them. They want to hate me, fine. Its their energy not mine. I still pray for them which I have shared this with my confessor and with the nuns at the Carmelite Monastary. They know as much as you do about all this and they have told me that I am a strong person which I do not even recognize. They are proud of me in how far I have come, especially spiritually. I don't see why they say I have great faith.
The question for my wife and her family is, "are they ready to die and face God for their actions?" I am. I'm not afraid at all. How does God see their behavior? So I am praying for their conversion and have left everything in the Hands of God Himself. Since I am also devoted to Mary, His Mother, I have given my wife to her to give to her Son, His Will be done.
I told her that for years, I felt like an Idiot because I was being corrected on everything I said or did. Many times you said that I didn't pull my weight around here (home). I said I don't know what you expect of me because when I help you, you say, that I am doing this wrong so I stopped helping. My wife said "that is because I am a control freak (which I knew). Why would any other human being want to be controlled by another human being? That's no difference then slavery. If she recognizes she is a control freak, then she should know that is a problem for her.
