See, while sitting in her C.U. chair, you getting angry is what your wife is banking on, because if you get angry, now it's all YOUR fault... at least in her mind (you are angry at her, she must protect herself).
Can you see how becoming better and better at this would be an a huge advantage for you... with her? Most especially?
OK, now that you've pulled in the bigger picture I see where you're gong with this. I sometimes refer to this as disarming your opponent, making changes the other person wants so there is nothing more s/he can complain about. Then the focus rest squarely on him/her. What you propose is along the same lines, except rather than making specific changes, you take away that person's excuse to deflect the argument back on to you.
I have done some of this at times, and it does help. But I see this as a means for delivering a message without all the distractions and deflections that always arise. It is a more effective delivery system. My problem in the past was trying to understand exactly what message needed to be delivered. That meant knowing what was my crap and what was hers, learning to spot a deflection when I saw it. These issues are beginning to come into better focus for me lately, so I can turn some attention to the delivery method.
