Donna, I am feeling a lot of the same feelings you are. You see we have been together the same amount of time almost. I married my prom date and best friend.
The rub is I have never had to see the OW and I will never run into the OW and I do not allow my H to go to any school or scout functions because he is loco. Your H is loco but he acts sane enough with the CW right in front of you. That would drive anyone crazy. Now I know you are not crazy but c'mon, is he a masicist? Is she? How could these people be so selfish and cruel?
Donna, These thoughts are obsessive but if they cannot stop then it is good that you continue journaling them here with us. Not only are you helping yourself by purging these thoughts, you are helping your family so that you can get some clear feedback and have a history of your roller coaster and growth. And yes you have to hit rock bottom before you climb back up. The problem is that the bottom keeps sinking once we feel we are getting better.
May I also say that your journaling is also helping others. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be joining you in a few weeks as my H gets closer to finding a place to move with OW and introducing OW to my children. My mother mentioned this to me and it is very frightening. I keep thinking how did this happen in our lives? But look, it is all around us so find peace that you are not alone. People do hook up with coworkers, neighbours, friends, exes, even friends' exes, and sposes best friends,yuck. WS go out with who is conveniently in front of them. There is no love or magic involved. They were unhappy and kept it a secret and found a reason in their head to stray. The reason seem so insignificant but they exist just to alleviate them of the guilt. It could be clutter, sex, friendship, kids, messy house, etc. My H's excuse was that I could not respect a man who did not complete college. Crock. I could care less about that but he stands firm on that one. I am also a clutter person and it was my goal to keep the sink clear until the disposal broke and I have no money or man to fix it. Digress.
I was lucky it was a random stranger who hooked up with my H but it does not matter, because he thinks it is love after a few months. This is really stupid part because my CDs say that the brain can talk itselfinto love so it is a technique that married peopel use every now and then to rekindle. Great so my H used with the wrong person!
Your H's reaction is one of shame and he does not know how to manifest it so he blames you for the loss of respect from all involved. he is a liar and a cheat who is trying to salvage his father and son image. He will always stay in denial so don't try to convince him of what a creep he is. Again, don't try to convince him of anything you are feeling. It will not matter to him how much he has hurt you. It does not matter to him how much you have lost. he will fight the feelings of guilt at every turn. Denial will only get stronger if you contact him with any more info of his assholeness. My dad was a serial cheater and he has been in denial for over 30 years.
The only way he can finally see his own responsibility is when you shine and I mean shine! What a life you have to get now girl! It is like you have something to prove, that Donna loves life! The doctor on Oprah said the best gift we can give our kids is to show them how much we love life! This is the most important thing. I know it is hard but you still have a lot of strength in you. let me know how it goes. I am thinking about you.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
