WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[waw1978]

Journaling:

I really think we are on to something with the age difference thing. It certainly could explain while we first started dating H was lots of fun and social and kept up with my busy social scheduel but as soon as we got married the fun stopped. Unfortunately this is a part of who I am, not just a phase that I went through.

Yep, all settled in to my duplex. I can't really sleep or eat and I am being eaten alive by my thoughts of whether or not I did the right thing. My H is a good man. I think he is starting to come around. but are these changes for real? How long will it take for the me to get over the hurts? I have been away for less than a month and I miss my daughter, my dog, my house. I am just waiting to miss him. And I don't. It just hurts that I cannot see myself in a relationship. The wounds are just too deep. I am also desparatly lonely.

I can really see how the OP comes into the picture. I am dying for human and social contact. I am such mess. I cry a the drop of a hat. I hate myself for ripping up our family. I cannot face my in-laws anymore due to the hostility..."how dare I leave there son" "what did they expect from trash". I just don't know anymore. Part of me wants to just crawl back home, tail between my legs and accept that I will never be cherised or equal in this marriage.