which may, or may not, have been some kind of code for "please come over here and cuddle me". Who the hell knows these days, eh? Whereas 2 months ago, I'd have been there like a shot, last night I just agreed that "aye, it is pretty chilly", then rolled away and went to sleep.
I think her feet were cold. In more ways then one. your comment 'being in there like a shot' is placating behavior. If I say to you, a woman wants to surrender, does that make sense to you? Do you know what it looks like? She cant surrender if you rescue her. For some reason they seem to think that asking directly for what they want is not as valuable as mind reading. The truth is, when a woman verbalizes what she wants, she is surrendering. Not only that she is talking. 2 of her favorite things. win win win for everybody. The real and main reason they (or anyone) doesnt verbalize what they want, is fear.
You felt good rejecting her, thats understandable, but you have a real chance right now, to stop the withdrawal dance. Have you read Dr. Harley? I hope you choose to get that under control. You dont have to 'be in there like a shot' you can remain where you are, and offer to her the opportunity to come and snuggle up for warmth. If you can warmly and gently or even playfully, get her to admit thats what she wants, even better.
You wont be able to do it, if you are afraid of rejection.
Many of her actions are showing that she is interested in getting things back on track. Again if you can have conversations where she admits this, so much the better. If you continue to punish her she will end up back in withdrawal. If your short on that 'loving feeling' another way to look at it is, Doing that is not in your best interest either.
One night we went out to a gig and ended up being fairly intimate in a club (and she actually promised me we'd have sex when we got home), but we ended up staying out too late, having a few too many shandies, and just crashed out as soon as we got back. I guess I should have picked her up by her hair and carried her home from the club right there and then, eh?
And then nothing in the morning either, because she was too hungover. Jeez.
Ok. This is your screw up. Here is why. I always monitor and control my womans alcohol intake. Usually its unnoticeable. Although I have done it blatantly obvious also, making them choose, me or more alcohol. Really effective. anyways.
Letting her get blitzed is NOT caring for her or cherishing her or protecting. That is why you do it. No you shouldnt have drug her off by the hair, as soon as she promised sex, the caveman thing is for when you want it. On your terms, when she doesnt even really think she wants it, not after she has allready thrown herself at you. Of course there was no sex during a hangover.
So, basically, there's nothing wrong with her. Which is either a good thing, or a bad thing. A good thing because she now has no real excuse. And a bad thing because she could now be thinking something like "hmmm... there's nothing wrong with me - it's fine to just carry on like this. Yay. Etc."
Her actions show that this is not what she is thinking. Stop assuming the negative. Even if it were, its counterproductive.
But then, is it *really* fair of me to want her to move outside of her comfort levels? Am I being selfish? I can't force her to desire something she has no desire for.
I want to bonk you on the head when I see that kind of talk.
The problem is, you arent being selfish enough. You are correct -you cannot force her to desire something she doesnt want. So you have nothing to worry about. If she goes along with it, you havent forced her.
So since you cant force her, offer it too her...that doesnt mean give it to her.... offer it too her and then be still and see what happens. If she didnt want to move outside of her comfort levels, with you, she wouldnt be there. If she doesnt want to she WILL leave. Are you afraid of her leaving, or are you afraid of her not wanting you. I think its the second. Whichever it is, your hesitancy and inaction look the same to her, for whatever reason it is.
Your self doubts are in your way. Not your wife.
Tell me about her comfort levels and how you react to them.
Eight hours. wow. whats the water temp there?
When are you going to Uruguay? A bike ride? Thats sounds awesome. Im intrigued. I have two major dreams left to accomplish. go diving in antartica before I am 40, and drive a MC from here to Chile. No hurry on that one.
