But there was nothing #3

[runningoutoftime]

I appreciate him for doing that, and really hope that he does not end up detaching from our kids.

I understand. I felt the same exact way, but it's inevitable. I've even seen it with great dads who are really involved with their kids. Ultimately, OW is always threatened by the boyfriend's children (I've had friends confide this one in me. They don't tell their boyfriends, but there is jealousy over the kids, the time spent with them, the time it takes away from them... ultimately it always seems to happen...), and slowly, little by little, kids get less attention from the non-custodial spouse.

Here's a link to a study that kind of goes over this. It was a 25 year study of a large number of kids who were children of divorce. One of the most comprehensive studies.... But statisitcs do show that over time, non-custodial parents will spend less and less time with their kids over the years. And when you think about it logically that makes a lot of sense. They are creating a new life and new family. It makes sense one would be closer to a child they spend a larger amount of time with. Blending families is much more difficult than people realize (FAR more difficult than original marriages and first time families!). Anyhow, unfortunately, even the best intentioned parents usually drift away from the kids through the years. I wish I could be more postiive here. I do know some people can make this work... but that's so extremely rare. Don't expect to be in this category.