I can relate so much to what your going through...when my H had an EA he actually asked me to take pictures of him...little did I know that it was so he could send them out!
And yes, Cat...you will need to drop down your walls...at first you will feel very vulnerable...but if you keep them up H will feel that you are punishing him...or that things will never be forgiven so why should he continue to try...baby steps...
I know with my H he was the one holding back...at first it was sleep on the couch, then on the second bed in my room, then at the end of my bed...finally next to me...and finally he would allow me to hug him...it was a process but we had to go through it to get where we are...
