I think another way to look at it is that when you are letting yourself be controlled by your emotions you can't be empathetic to somebody else. It's just like when you are thinking about what you are going to say next in a conversation you don't listen as well. One exercise to be a better listener is to repeat what the person who is talking to you just said back to yourself silently. You can kind of do the same thing with emotional reactions. Instead of a knee jerk reaction based on your expectations of what might occur you can observe or be curious about what actually does occur or get communicated and then have a more thoughtful response. You are more "detached" when you are up in your own head or your own emotional state then when you are actually more actively experiencing what the other person is conveying. Your knee jerk reaction might be "I'm hurt" but your more connected response might be to think "She seems anxious."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
