I am not talking about getting a life. I am not telling you to detach.
You can actively NOT negative emotion YOUR power. If you don't feed it, it WILL go away. That is independent action YOU CAN TAKE, regardless of what she does or does not do.
Let me try to understand what you're saying because I'm not sure I know what you mean. Are you saying that when my wife does or does not do something that makes me upset, that I should basically block out any emotions (which will be the negatives ones, there won’t likely be an excess of positive ones), or at least “not feed” those negative emotions? Sort of like taking an apathetic approach to it, saying "what ever," just walking away, treat it like viewing a science experiment under glass? As far as I know, that is detachment, isn't it?
American Heritage Stedman's Medical Dictionary de•tach•ment (d-tchmnt) n. 1. The act or process of disconnecting or detaching; separation. 2. The state of being separate or detached. 3. Indifference to or remoteness from the concerns of others; aloofness. 4. Absence of prejudice or bias; disinterest.
What in this definition have I missed?
I'm not saying ignore the feeling, or try and convince yourself you don't really feel a certain way.
Huh? So how do I detach and “not feed” the negative emotions while at the same time not ignore my feelings? What you are telling me IS detachment. That’s ok, nothing wrong with that. It’s a boundary issue, that’s all.
But how does detaching, which is an avoidant behavior, work toward repairing a relationship with another avoider? How does this make her realize she is in a C.U. chair? I don’t see the purpose in this or where it could possibly lead, other than to hand over even more power to her to do as she pleases. Stopping my reactivity will do nothing toward changing her behavior. BTDT, remember?
