HBT - I know it is hard. But somehow you have to make the above R conversation with him your last one.
The hardest thing that you and I have to accept is that MLC takes time. And our H's are not special, speed racing MLCers....they will be in this fog for a long time. The sooner that you and I accept this, the "easier" it will be for us to move forward in our lives.
And I don't know how to say this, but please be careful with the self medicating...... It isn't helping you. Instead of self medicating, do something with your D, or do something around the house. Didn't you fix something on your own a while ago and feel pretty good about it? Do something like that again! I know it is hard - I am struggling with this myself. I am back at work (with him, lucky me..), back into the school and activity schedule and it is easier because I have to think of other things. You homeschool your D, right? Take some field trips and work on projects with her... Just think about what happened - do you want your H to come in and see you drunk or hungover, or do you want him to come in and see a self sufficient, making it without you, confident W? Ask yourself which would be more attractive for him to return home to?
One other thing that you may want to consider is don't always be available for him when he wants to talk. The DB coach told me that. Our H's know that we are waiting for them to talk to us, and when they do, we hang on every word. I remember the night H wanted to talk and I said I didn't want to that night and I turned and went to "sleep". The look on his face.... Well the next night we did talk - it was the night he told me he signed a lease on an apartment. I certainly couldn't stop the conversation from happening eventually, but he had to wrestle with it for another 24 hours, not me.
And I may be wrong here and I may be too blunt, but your H's living situation is not your concern. You and your D are in your home, which he elected to leave. I know you want him back, but in his fog he thinks he doesn't want to be back...not now. Let him go. Let him worry about his living situation. Detach here. He may move further away in a more permanent situation - you have no control over this. None. Zero. Let it go. It is scary - I have been there. But I survived, even though my posts at times seem like I am not surviving. H is now talking about buying a house...talk about permanent! But I have no control over this. I have to let it go.
If my H told me now that he wanted to come home for whatever reason, I would say no. And the main reason I would say no? This is simply messing with the kids and giving them hope where there may not be hope. After everything they have been through, I just couldn't do that to them.
HBT - you have to really DB now and not tell him you are doing it. You have to GAL as well. You need to shift your focus. It is all on him right now. Shift it to you and your D!!! His feelings are buried in there, but you can't reach them...only your H can. Focus on your feelings now and making yourself feel good about you!
Come here and vent - not to H. We will listen...we will understand. H can't and won't.
