I'm with Chrom on this one. too much 2x4, too fast. Cut the girl some slack. she's new. she'll get it...eventually. it takes a while for this crap to sink in.

also: "assertive"...not "bitchy".

also, a "5"...or strong 5 tendancies. (to which, I can relate). seaking goal-oriented, crap-cutting, concrete solutions. annoyed by the circular reasoning of "all that freudian crap". She wants " a given input=a given output".
unfortunately, people (well, "most" people) don't work that way.

and geez, don't lump her in w/ cemar, just yet. Most of us HDs came here a singin the same song. let her vent! lump her w/ cemar when she's been here for 3 years, still singin the same tune.

(looney: if you haven't seen the discussions already, google "eneagram"...personality types. "Myers-Briggs" is another assesment. eneagram type 5 = Myers-Briggs INTJ. maybe I'm all wet, but that's what I see from what little you've posted so far...)

So here's something concrete for you: read Gary Chapman's "the Five Love Languages". You mentioned that you discovered that "talkin' up" your H seemed to get a good response...sounds to me that perhaps, his love language is "words of affirmation". (yours is obviously "physical touch"). anyway...read the book.
Of course, I couldn't say that speaking to him in his love language is trying to "get" him to want to have sex with you, or they'd start aiming the 2x4's back in my direction. So call it something other than that. If it comes from a published author, and you call it something else, then its ok.
like, "making yourself more attractive". that's popular. But then, just recently, someone said thats a "fools errand". oh, well. That happens alot, here.