That was an impressive conversation you had w/ your W. I think it is great that you both we able to stay respectful and calm through the whole thing. You guys were talking about some heavy stuff (your R/M, $$$) and I am glad it didn't get ugly. That shows some growth in both of you, right?
I happy for you that she mentioned that she noticed the good changes in you (how could she not?). You have really worked hard on those things and I am sure it feels good to get some validation for it. Even if it doesn't influence her to change her mind about working on your M now, you know now that she knows how you have changed and maybe down the road, when she works on herself too, it will help her to see you and her R w/ you in a different light.
I agree with what you said about how she needs to break up w/ her BF in order for her to really work on herself (not that there is anything you can do to make her break-up w/ BF). I think time being on your own is important to really figure out who you are and who you want to be. When you constantly have an OP in your life, it is really easy to blame everything on them as to why you aren't happy. People who just go from person to person to person with no time by themselves in between never seem to figure that out.
I think I had more to say, but I have to go pick up the kids. Later!
